Consider Dating A Disabled Person
Wednesday, September 14th, 2011Low vision, faulty legs or arms, deafness, and the symptoms of simple aging can heap big challenges on people so affected, especially in dating. Further, not only is there the challenge of the disability itself to cope with, but also, the negative ways most non-disabled folks regard the disabled. Many disabled people report that they’ve struggled over the years to date people they find attractive. The root of that struggle is this: When the non-disabled learn of the disability, they immediately bolt. They avoid dating a disabled person. This generally happens regardless of whether people tell them early on, or hesitate several weeks. No matter how well the non-disabled know the disabled, once they dub the disabled as such, natural selection seems to dictate that any romance that might have been, vanishes forever. Most healthy folks avoid the disabled men. So the disabled might as well become asexual.
Some disabilities hamper more disabled women in this way than disabled men, while for others more men are negatively impacted socially than women. Just about any disability that impairs a man’s ability to provide well for a woman and family, discourages non-disabled women from dating him. Likewise, any disability that impairs a woman’s ability to properly birth and raise children
discourages men from dating her. The result is that most disabled people, regardless of sex, do not regularly date much less marry. They are left alone and isolated. While the healthy are lonely as they look for that “perfect mate,” so too are the disabled while they search for that rare person (disabled or not), who accepts them and who does not regard their disabilities as disabilities.
To be sure, the non-disabled (those in perfect health) will often be courteous, and perhaps even pity disabled persons, as they attempt to secure their places in Heaven with God, once their life here on Earth is done. But they’ll likely never seriously date a disabled person. They will rarely be in awe of him. So, non-disabled women will never see disabled men as acceptable mates. He will never be the “perfect” man in their eyes due to his disability. Nor will the disabled woman ever become the goddess in his eyes. Not even the holy enticement of the eternally good afterlife makes most of those in perfect health truly love disabled people, and view them as complete equals.
But this is so sad, because dating a disabled person can be one of the most rewarding experiences a mortal can enjoy. I’ve dated numerous disabled women and non-disabled alike in my time. I have found that helping a blind woman locate a coat that she’s misplaced, read a users’ guide for a new appliance, or describe what’s happening on TV screen to someone who cannot see it themselves makes me feel quite useful and needed. It erases any guilt I might otherwise feel, for being too idle, and fills me with a greater sense of
meaningful purpose. There is no more justifiable way to spend your hours, than in the service of others. Indeed, I feel much less lonely while helping. I sense that I’m truly making a positive difference in the life of a wheelchair-bound person for example, when I push them to lunch, or around the mall as we shop.
Helping others is perhaps the safest, yet most effective antidepressant. It makes us feel good about ourselves, and the disabled represent a ready-supply of opportunities for helping. Perhaps people at large would not be so depressed these days, if they’d only help others little more. People are simply too focused on themselves and what they want for themselves. This narcissism can leave us feeling quite sad, especially when we so often do not get what we want while believing strongly how much we deserve it.
But dating a disabled person definitely lifts spirits. While helping them find greater happiness and joy in spite of their plights may not give you precisely what you think you want in life, helping nonetheless will attend well to your rightest needs. True, you probably won’t make lots of money serving others day-in and day-out. But you’ll experience increased health; both physical and mental. You’ll truly get outside of yourself, and thus, observe a much longer-lasting sense of achievement than any job promotion, bigger house, or better car can ever provide. Plus, you’ll lower your stress levels, as it’s much easier to please someone you’re helping than a cranky boss and his or her ever-increasing expectations of you. So if you feel sad that you’re not making a bigger positive difference in this world, then by all means consider dating a disabled person. I believe that the disabled were probably put here to not only test the brawn of compassion in the healthy, but also to help the healthy remain healthy by providing endless opportunities for meaningful service. So help yourself and the disabled as well. Date the disabled. If you have any need whatsoever to give of yourself, you defiitely won’t be sorry.
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