Archive for May 8th, 2011

Love At First Sight Usually Fades At Second

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

Love at first sight   indeed seems quite permanent, at first, because that instant attraction to the beloved feels so overwhelmingly intense and seems so “right” that it’s hard to imagine that love could ever die. But it can, and more often than not, does. In fact, love at first sight   usually fades at second and subsequent sights.

One reason love can fade away as quickly as it comes, is that most people’s best love image do not include blemishes in lovers; blemishes that do not show up at the debut meeting. Any “faults” can diminish and even completely erase the beloved’s wonderful likeness, and so, make the person appear no longer attractive. But blemishes typically are not revealed at the initial contact, either by circumstance or by design. So we often go for a time after the first meeting without our love-at-first-sight feelings ever weakening. But when the deviation between a person’s   best love image   of her dream guy and the actual image of a real man is too great, love-at-first-sight will either not happen at all, or if it does occur, it will die soon after the real image surfaces. As noted, we may feel love-at-first-sight. But should we later discover that our assessment of the new lover’s gratifying abilities were wrong for whatever reason, or that he changes so as to deny such fulfillment, then we   fall out of love.

Yet this falling out of love is not the fault of love-at-first-sight. We might fall out of love if we meet someone who at first seems ideal, and then later learn that they have a felonious history, that they use illicit drugs, that they engage in some other deal-breaking behavior, or any other unfathomable physical or character blemish. We wouldn’t know until she’s ready to tell us for example, that she eats frogs for lunch or loves hurting men. But finding out such things would diffuse the love feelings right quickly in most people I suspect.

Getting to know people is like peeling an onion in that you can’t see much of their constitution until you delve through their various layers, which can indeed be a slow process. That’s why stepping up a relationship to a higher, more intimate level is always risky and why so many people fear it. The closer we get to a beloved, the greater the chances that not only will she reject us, but that we’ll lose interest and reject her too. We can’t know upfront how trustworthy a person will turn out to be over the long haul, and due to the great potential of learning show-stopping traits subsequently, I admit that love-at-first-sight is certainly no sure thing. Yes, the love for the beloved that we felt at first sight can die at any time because we can’t know the entirety of the new person during the first meeting, and with people being as diverse in behaviors and requirements of lovers as they are, it’s move likely that love-at-first-sight will lead us to a flop. Disillusionment most often results when we pursue   love-at-first-sight.

However, consider that the quicker we can rightly imagine a new potential lover completely fulfilling our love needs, the more likely we’ll feel immediate love for her. We fall in love quickly (love-at-first-sight) when the new lover’s apparent abilities to satisfy our strongest and deepest desires quickly show through.

Also, the more he feels for us, the faster we fall as well. Her quick return-interest encourages love-at-first-sight when she appears to have everything we want. So, those most closely matching our individual visions of perfection, and who seem to feel the same for us in return, trigger immediate feelings of love. Thus, love-at-first-sight is a great initial indicator of long-term happiness with the lover-perhaps-to-be.

Thus, though love-at-first-sight mostly leads us to the wrong people, we should not dismiss its usefulness in finding that right person to love. I feel that we can only find the right people with love-at-first-sight guiding us. This fast-felt love  is a sort of initial test of lovability (our ability to fall in love with a potential lover). Without it, there’s really nothing to differentiate a new dating relationship from a new friendship, at least, not romantically. Do though it’s often wrong, don’t underestimate the potential rightness of love-at-first-sight.

Tom Hesley

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