Why Women Resist Love At First Sight
Many women seem to resist the temptations posed by love-at-first-sight more than men, because they do not trust as readily as men. As a single man, I’ve found this to be disconcerting because nearly always, I fall in love with women way faster than they fall in love with me. I don’t like the power imbalance that results. So I wanted to understand better why many women are so stand-offish in love in the hopes of minimizing such power imbalances in future relationships. My research has led me to the following ideas.
Women would seem to risk more when falling in love at first sight with men, than men risk by falling in love with women. So women must trust less, at least at first, in order to stay safe. Due to smaller body sizes, less developed muscles, less aggression, and less physical strength on the whole, ladies are more easily and brutally dominated by men. Thus, women are hurt and killed more often by men than are men by women. So, to assure that she’ll be around long enough to give birth, the woman must ensure that the men she picks won’t destroy her, at least not until she has her children. So women tend to be more cautious. Since trust and caution are essentially opposites, It makes sense that women trust men less as they must be more cautious of them. Understandably then, trust is sited more by women therefore, as a desirable quality in a man than vice versa.
Through the eons, trust has become intimately bound with passion in females. The women who select the most trustworthy males are generally the most likely to pass on their values of caution to the next generation. Those who do not select cautiously couldn’t as readily pass on the value that love lust unsubstantiated by trust is an acceptable and sufficient cause to roll in the hay. Many women thus, are not interested in exchanging any physical affection until they implicitly trust their mate to be a gentle, controlled, and harmlessly loving man. Since well-founded trust takes much longer to develop than sheer physical attraction, so too then, do women’s feelings of passionate love take longer to appear. In women therefore, evolutionary forces would seem to discourage if not prevent love-at-first-sight.
But with men, it’s different. Since traditionally, women kill fewer men than the other way around, men are understandably less fearful about potential harm a woman might do to them. It’s a foregone conclusion that men will be safe with virtually all women he dates. Now this may be changing as women are adopting more ambitious and aggressive stands to negotiate life in the post feminism era. Indeed women are committing more violent crimes against males than at any time past.
But even today, violent crimes against men by women still happen far, far less often than those against women by men. So the man needn’t take as much time developing trust in her to determine her safeness. The element of trust is not nearly as crucial to his safety as it is to hers.
Of course, the trust issue is the first of many complications that more gravely affect women than men. Women bear a bigger share of the cost of having children, because men can just screw and be done. But women must carry the baby for nine months, and they’re the ones who have the equipment to sustain the baby once it arrives (breasts for milk). Babies are inexorably more bound therefore, to the mother than the father. For more about this sort of trust, please see my Why Resist Love At First Sight? piece.
Related Posts
- Power Imbalance: Blind Man Dating Sighted Woman
- Why Believe In Love At First Sight?
- Why Resist Love At First Sight?
References
Tags: Attracting Women